This blog was inspired by the mighty Gravel Kraken, and my desire to warn people about gravel kraken attacks. But it has since transformed into a blog about current events, politics, society, culture, thoughtful meanderings, and cute Youtube videos. I post a lot of links from the internet so you can look at them in one place.
I already got the domain name “gravelkraken.com” and I’m going to use it no matter what I write about, so I suppose I should go ahead and warn you about gravel krakens.
You have probably already heard about krakens–mariner lore is rich with tales of the great sea beasts. Lurking in the murky depths even light dare not penetrate, krakens hang out all day. Then when they get hungry, they creep up near that still, liminal thread betwixt the blue parallels of sky and sea, and outstretch their great, tentacular oogie feelers, lashing and writhing, squeezing and suction cupping and ripping apart watercraft and seamen alike, pulling the particularly tasty bits into its great gnashing kraken beak like pita bread in saltwater fondue. It is so gross.
A gravel kraken is the terrestrial iteration of this seafarer’s enemy. Imagine, if you will, the terror described above–but instead of being 20,000 leagues under water, you are under 20,000 leagues of gravel. Well, you would be crushed by gravel!
Gravel krakens dwell in bottomless pits that average 1 1/2- 3 feet in depth and they like to eat possums–even dead ones– because they are easy to catch. They are nocturnal and that is why I have never seen one (I am mostly diurnal). For this reason it is important not to linger around dead possums on the highway at night.
The thing about gravel krakens that make them such a pernicious beast is that they can possess other creatures with their spirit. I know this because it happened to my dog. She started rolling around and making gravel kraken noises, and then in a few minutes she just went back to normal. I think it has also gotten to me on occasion, because sometimes I find things that are only slightly amusing to be really quite amusing. I find it difficult to resist an urge to roll around and make gravel kraken noises. So you understand why I had to warn you.
I realized that one lives in my yard in a gravel kraken pit, and I had to put up a safety cone.